Before I begin on my winding trail of thoughts on alcohol use in our culture, I want to share something. Alcohol use can be fun, social, and low-risk. I will not share an abstinence-based view here, even though I often work with individuals to build an abstinence-based recovery program. There ARE limitations to use being fun and care-free. What I want to speak to is our tendency as a culture towards overconsumption. Many unhelpful messages are widespread across our communities, encouraging high-risk use that can lead to habit-forming use, and, yes, addiction.
Today, I have a message for the moms out there (although this entirely applies to the awesome dad’s out there!). So moms, I’d like to speak to a culture of drinking that is becoming increasingly pervasive. It’s the “mama juice” culture. Perhaps you know what I’m speaking of? If you search Etsy (an e-commerce site for handmade and other items) for “wine shirts for women” you will get an astounding 26,000+ hits. From the “I make pour decisions” to “they whine, I wine” quotes, you can find just about any iteration of thought on women’s alcohol use. Wine appears to be the primary focus of these “jokes”, although cocktails (mamacita needs a margarita) and beer (choosy moms choose beer) both have a place in this culture. It’s all in good fun, right?
It certainly can be all in good fun. I mean, it’s not like a silly joke makes anyone drink to the point of alcohol addiction. Absolutely true. Now, what it does do is support the idea that 1) everyone is doing it, 2) mom=drinking, and 3) it must be a great stress-reliever. These are some dangerous messages for new moms, who are already at increased risk for depression and anxiety. Parenthood is rough, y’all, and adding alcohol is a recipe for disaster.
Let’s talk about why it’s a disaster…
Alcohol is a central nervous system (CNS) depressant. That means it slows bodily functions. That feeling of being tipsy or drunk? That is the depressant quality of alcohol. The more you drink, the more the central nervous system is impacted.
So, imagine you had a really bad day with your kiddo. You just couldn't manage the ins and outs of parenthood that day. Between the constant “mom, mom, MOMMMM,” the changing of diapers, the juggling of work e-mails, the constant mess that is your house, making meal after meal after meal, or maybe having an absent co-parent, you’re just DONE. You pull out that bottle of wine from the cabinet and pour yourself a glass. Not a small glass, but those pinot glasses, that hold 1/2 a bottle (yeah, you know what I’m talking about). You take that first drink, and immediately your system says “thank goodness.” It doesn’t take long for the alcohol to sweep through your system, bringing with it a sense of relaxation that you weren’t feeling before. The feel good chemicals (dopamine) rush through your system. It feels great. So you keep doing it.
In the beginning, it was just a small glass: a treat. But now, it is pretty consistently the whole bottle, consumed over the course of the evening. You drink more because the first glass acts on your body like water. It’s not conscious, really, but you know it if you think about it. Your body has pretty well adjusted to this routine, so you may not really feel a whole lot of relaxation any more. You also may not experience much of a rebound effect in the morning. Maybe a bit tired, or upset stomach here and there, maybe a headache if you didn’t drink enough water before bed. It’s kind of just something you do. Maybe alone, maybe with others. But it’s more days than not. And when you don’t drink, that feels ok, but when you do drink, that feels more ok. Perhaps, if you drink coffee (the other acceptable mom drink), it’s like your “evening coffee.”
For some, the effects begin to come in small installments. Lack of energy. Limited alternative activities. Socializing primarily in environments where drinking can occur. Anticipation of drinking. Decreased motivation. Poor health effects (stomach upset, fatigue, restlessness, headaches, etc). Memory issues. Irritability. Low mood. Preoccupation with drinking, cravings. Difficulty stopping after one drink. None of these effects present immediately, and are easily ignored due to the gradual shift in which they occur. Fundamentally, it is the very gradual nature of creating dependence (social, psychological, and physical) that makes alcohol so disastrous.
So, how do we engage in the parenting dynamic if our CNS is being impacted so significantly? Well, simply put, we don’t. We are always bringing a lesser self to the relationship. We are numbed, which may give us a sense of better coping skills on those really rough days. We might be less reactive, for example. In the beginning, dopamine (those feel good chemicals) help us navigate stressors a bit easier. But, that also depends a lot on your personality. The effects on our pre-frontal cortex can lead to increased rage, for example. The variability in response is frightening. Emergency situations cannot be assessed appropriately when our CNS is depressed. Reaction times, reasoning abilities, emotional volatility…all another consideration for the risk of the cultural joke that is “mama juice.” Any of this hitting home in your group of mom’s?
Do you feel in control of your drinking, or do you find yourself engaging in binge drinking (3+ drinks for women, 4+ for men) more often than not when you drink? Have you fed into the cultural norm of mom’s needing to drink due to the demands of their role as mother? I’m here to tell you, that in the absence of physical dependence, it is possible to control your drinking. If you are ready to regain your healthy boundaries with alcohol, don’t wait. Acting now may be the difference between the ability to engage in low-risk drinking in the future, or having to call it quits for good.