The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
— Jellaludin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks
Pain and the human condition
Perhaps you've heard : pain is a part of being human. What do you think when you hear this? Take a minute, and really notice what your body tells you when I say that life contains pain, that it’s unavoidable. Does it hit you right in the gut, the chest, shoulders; does your mind move on so quickly you can’t even feel what is happening in your body? Given the freedom to avoid (which we almost always do have) my mind says, “yeah, yeah, human experience and pain, I got it.” Pushing myself to sit and scan my body, to truly notice, I begin to experience a sinking feeling in my stomach. It’s a signal my body is giving to my mind, whether I notice or not. Our tendency to avoid checking our body cues leads to thoughts and behaviors that seem unconnected, but are intricately connected with our overall interactions with the world.
Avoidance. Attachment. Opposites, and so connected. The act of avoiding pain and suffering and of attaching to joy and happiness, is the foundation of internal anxieties. These anxieties are a central message of many, if not all, spiritual practices. Releasing the need for internal control is clutch, and depending on the spiritual practice, the place where that control is placed helps us, as humans, find a resting place for that groundlessness. What would it mean to begin to assess both our avoidance and attachment to certain elements in our lives, which increase suffering, and slowly notice how we react to these elements?
Eight Worldly Winds (Dharmas, Attachments, Concerns)
Buddhist teachings discuss eight transitory things in life that can bring anxiety and hang ups as we move through this world. I use the phrase “worldly winds” because I think it speaks beautifully to the moving, passing nature of the pairs I will speak to now:
pleasure and pain
loss and gain
fame and disgrace
praise and blame
These four pairs represent four attachments and four avoidances that, when we are caught up in them, cause suffering.
I’m going to ask you to take a moment to reflect. If it’s early in your day, perhaps think about yesterday, otherwise, center on what has happened today. Now, one by one, think about if you have experienced pleasure today. Give yourself a moment. What did it look like? How did you react? Now move on to pain. Again, what did it look like, and how did you react? Continue on through each pair. When you have looked at each one, reflect on how many you experienced. 1? All of them? Did you make some of them happen through your own attachment or avoidance?
You can see that each pair has something we are quite attached to in regards to our belief that they will bring us joy and happiness-pleasure, gain, fame, praise. The reverse are things we often try very hard to avoid, because we envision them decreasing our happiness-pain, loss, disgrace, blame. Your sense of self will dictate how you create these winds in your life. They are not concrete, solid realities. They are wholly based on our perspective. Blah. That doesn't sit well, does it? That’s ok. Today, just start with noticing. Notice when you invest in one thing or another. Check in with yourself about the four pairs and begin to see what hooks you. No judgment, just notice, and start to open that door to your guest house.
Please feel free to comment about hooks that you notice as you reflect on these transitory points in your life. I hope it will begin to illuminate pain points in your life that can deepen your personal wisdom and help you begin to grow in a safe, non-judgmental way. Thanks for reading, and I will resume this discussion in my next blog…